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...
LUCIANA Well, I will marry one
day, but to try.
Here comes your man; now is your husband nigh.
[Enter DROMIO of Ephesus]
ADRIANA Say, is your tardy master
now at hand?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Nay, he's at
two hands with me, and that my two ears can
witness.
ADRIANA Say, didst thou speak
with him? know'st thou his mind?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Ay, ay, he told
his mind upon mine ear:
Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.
LUCIANA Spake he so doubtfully,
thou couldst not feel his meaning? 50
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Nay, he struck
so plainly, I could too well feel his
blows; and withal so doubtfully that I could scarce
understand them.
ADRIANA But say, I prithee, is he
coming home? It seems he
hath great care to please his wife. 55
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Why, mistress,
sure my master is horn-mad.
ADRIANA Horn-mad, thou
villain!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS I mean not
cuckold-mad;
But, sure, he is stark mad.
When I desired him to come home to
dinner, 60
He ask'd me for a thousand marks in gold:
''Tis dinner-time,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he;
'Your meat doth burn,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he:
'Will you come home?' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he.
'Where is the thousand marks I gave thee,
villain?' 65
'The pig,' quoth I, 'is burn'd;' 'My gold!' quoth he:
'My mistress, sir' quoth I; 'Hang up thy mistress!
I know not thy mistress; out on thy mistress!'
LUCIANA Quoth who?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Quoth my
master: 70
'I know,' quoth he, 'no house, no wife, no mistress.'
...
ANTIPHOLUS OF
SYRACUSE What is she?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE A very
reverent body; ay, such a one as a man may
not speak of without he say 'Sir-reverence.' I have
but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a
wondrous fat marriage. 90
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE How dost
thou mean a fat marriage?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, sir,
she's the kitchen wench and all grease;
and I know not what use to put her to but to make a
lamp of her and run from her by her own light. I
warrant, her rags and the tallow in them will burn
a 95
Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday,
she'll burn a week longer than the whole world.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE What
complexion is she of?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Swart, like my
shoe, but her face nothing half so
clean kept: for why, she sweats; a man may go
over 100
shoes in the grime of it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE That's a
fault that water will mend.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE No, sir, 'tis
in grain; Noah's flood could not do it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE What's her
name?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Nell, sir; but
her name and three quarters, that's 105
an ell and three quarters, will not measure her from
hip to hip.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Then she
bears some breadth?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE No longer from
head to foot than from hip to hip:
she is spherical, like a globe; I could find
out 110
countries in her.
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